The 7 types of Problem solvers

Note: This listicle is a work of non- fiction and must be treated this way. Any offense is 100% intentional. Please feel free to reach out to me and ask "Hey, type 5 means well- if you don’t like anyone, why don’t you solve your problems yourself then? " Well, I tried buddy. But we are unfortunately humans and social beings and need people around to thrive or at least survive when stuck in a problem. So, while I am down, the best I can do is try to find the faults in others and bring them down with me. With that disclaimer, let us get into it. ;)

You know how you get stuck in some crappy situation from time to time? It could be work, it could be a family quarrel, or just your life just not being as much in place as you'd like it to be. And for such occasions (which, if you're anything like me, are disturbingly frequent), you need your friends to vent to. So here are 7 categories of people and how they engage with these problems.

#1- The HMMMM person

The easiest type to sort- this person just acknowledges what you said, has no idea what to respond, and moves on with whatever they were talking about.

Annie: "Hey my boss has been really bothering me. He doesn't respond to my messages or emails and doesn't acknowledge my work. I don't even know if I fit in this role at all and this is such a terrible time to look for jobs. I am really worried about what to do."

Hummer: "Hmmm I get it. Tough"

A: ….

H: ….

A: …. “yeaaa”

H: “So you know what happened yesterday? My cat totally trashed my place. Let me show you the pictures.”

#2- The Dismissive sir

This is usually a parental or authority figure, who not only does not know how to deal with the situation himself (like person in 1) but also feels the need to exert his authority and appear wiser than he is. How does he do that you ask- simple. Make everything your fault. Having an existential crisis? Must be because you didn’t study well when you were 13! This not only directs your energy to unhelpful directions but distracts you from their actual inability to deal with the problem you presented. And because he is an authority figure, you are too scared to retort and or too tired to explain how his logic does not make sense, so you vow internally to never come back to this person again with another problem. (unless he is the last option where you jussssst want to vent out)

#3- The ‘I know exactly how you feel’ (but not really) girl

This woman will respond enthusiastically to the first 2 of the 10 lines you were about to say and then cut you off by commenting about how the SAME thing happened with her; and will swiftly start talking about her barely related story. Before you know it, she has simply started narrating her own story complete with side quests and character arcs while completely forgetting what the point of pivoting into her story was, or how it relates to your situation. Now you are simply sitting there listening to how her colleague’s wife is going on a Dubai trip with her friends in the middle of an already strained marriage and wondering what it had to do with your colleague not being more supportive of you. By then, it is just not worth the effort to go back to the topic you were actually talking about 5 side quests ago and explaining to her how she completely missed the point you were trying to make. And there is certainly no way you can do that without pissing her off. This will lead you to swallow your feelings with the food on your plate and zone out, and best-case scenario, just give up and be mildly interested in the suspected affair of your friend’s colleague’s wife which was frankly more interesting than your boss’s boring story anyway.

#4- The Magical dude

While meaning well, this guy will present you with blind optimism with sentences like ‘It will all work out’ or ‘keep believing’ or that ‘life is beautiful’- all of which you do believe in, but it is as useful as giving out a lollipop to a person who has not eaten for 5 days. Sweet- and a nice gesture- but unfulfilling in the context of the problem. In crude terms, his idea is that crying or bitching will not solve anything and let’s just believe it will be better (because life is always better in the future and the universe is a magical place which solves everything on its own). This is a perfect solution when you want to give platitude without engaging meaningfully with the conversation or problem at hand. This person is great to talk to when you want simple motivation without anything concrete but terrible when you have an actual problem which needs help.

#5- The psycho-philosophical sister

This woman will get into the ‘why’ of it all, why are we the way we are, what these patterns of actions say about us, why the universe rewards some people while creating obstacles for others, and everything under the sun (including why it seems yellow to our eyes). This is the flipside of the Magical dude because she has the benefit of not engaging meaningfully with the conversation at hand but instead of platitude, she flips your problem back at you while making it even more complicated.

1. Best case, you end up with a 2-hour analysis of who you are as a person and what your future could look like if you continued on this path with pros and cons for each possible scenario.

2. Worst case, a headache

#6- The Grandfather

This person will seem to completely understand your problem, empathize with you and then give you advice. The problem is that he almost gets your situation, but you know he does not really because he doesn’t really have similar experiences, value or belief system, or an understanding on the depth of your problem. He is viewing things just from his perspective and giving a one-size-fits-all advice instead of, well, for you. He may get a smidgen of the overall idea which might actually not be that bothersome until it's an existential crisis, which is when it can quickly become irritating. their advice runs parallel to the topic at hand, close enough but not quite meeting it. Not that they are aware, but it’s been 20 minutes, the food is getting cold, and they are still found rambling. He is too sweet and genuine for trying so hard, but you know he is not going to really get it, so you smile along and hope he gives you an opening to say, “Hey, enough about me, how are YOU doing?”

#7- The Rolling up his sleeves man

This man will fixate on the problem and give you 4 different solutions, all customized to your mood, confrontational style and past experiences. All completely logical and rational. He would wonder why you did X when Y was the obvious way to have dealt with the problem at hand. You will come out of this conversation both calmer and somehow angrier that you didn't know any better and feeling generally small about yourself for not seeing the bigger picture. Now in addition to the problem, you are mad about how you didn’t think of the things he is saying.

Well, as fun as it is to spot the problems in the problem solvers around you, you might also want to consider the possibility that the problem might, in fact, be you. (yes, yes Taylor Swift reference).

Which Problem solver did you most relate to?

• The HMMMM person
• The Dismissive sir
• The ‘I know exactly how you feel’ (but not really) girl
• The Magical dude

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