How I Met Your Mother and (not) getting the things you want

Ted Mosby has always been the man with the plan.

He already knows what he wants his future to look like - a building contributing to the New York City skyline, a beautiful wife that fulfills his specific criteria, and 2 kids.

Throughout the entire show, his decisions are toward that objective, even when he gets distracted along the way for the 100th time. The objective is clear. In season 4, he is on the verge of getting everything he wants. He is engaged to a great woman, and he is about to design the new GNB headquarters. 

All well and good, until his fiancé leaves him at the altar and the project for the GNB headquarters is scrapped.

And therein begins the journey of melancholy for Ted. The protagonist of How I met your Mother, Ted Mosby is usually not considered to be a fan favorite character. He can be self-absorbed, naïve, and the definition of the supposed ‘nice guy’. But every time I watch season 4, I cannot help but feel for Ted. The ever-optimistic Ted begins to grow cynical as we progress through the season, and that feeling never really goes away until the end of the show. 

Ted ends season 3 on a high. He proposes to Stella, he rekindles his friendship with Barney and is ready to move forward with life. But then his professional and personal life fall apart in season 4, all the while his friends’ lives seem to be soaring higher – Marshal and Lily get a new apartment, Barney and Robin become closer and eventually begin to date by the end of the season. 

Meanwhile Ted ends the season getting beaten up by a goat. 

So, to say, not a great year for Teddy westside.

Now I could say I feel bad for him, which I do, but I think it was completely necessary.

Sometimes you have got to take the leap into the unknowable future, which will always remain unknowable - plan or no plan.

Ted tries to make a few bargains, a few adjustments to his plan. He starts his own architecture firm. But then he spends weeks picking out his favourite pen, hires an assistant to take his non-existent calls, and does everything he can to avoid the actual work. It is in his conversation with Robin that he admits he is scared to take that first step because what if he screws it up? 

He gives an example of an architect who built a library that kept sinking 2 inches into the ground every year. Why? Because he forgot to account for the weight of the books.

As the sole owner of his business, Ted’s concern is not invalid.

After the failures in his life, he is afraid to take the first step. 

And if you have ever watched a movie or TV show, you’d think, you know, Ted has suffered a bit and now he is taking the first step with his own firm, maybe he is going to get successful. 

But no, he isn’t. Ted fails rather spectacularly.

Sometimes courage and plans are not enough. Sometimes the universe just decides to strike you down because now is not the time. The show talks quite a bit about the Universe and what it has pre-decided v/s how much control do we have over our own fates. But there is no way to know what is pre- ordained or when the story is over. In its overarching plot for example, you could make the argument that the Universe was always conspiring to bring Ted and Robin together despite how incompatible they were, OR that the Universe was bringing him closer to the Mother (Tracy), his true soulmate and Ted chose Robin in the end nevertheless because that is always where his heart was. 

Right or wrong, is not the debate here. It is the ethos that the Universe will sometimes force you to pivot from your plan and then sometimes, you get the chance at your dream, and when you can, you must grab it.

You might think you are failing yet you have no idea what your journey is leading you toward. Even our perceived failures have so much to teach us. Ted might start his architecture firm and think success would mean designing his building – that was always the plan; indeed, but what he truly needed to learn was that this was not the right move for him at the time and there was an alternative plan he needed to accept. After Ted’s firm is essentially failing, he ends up taking a professor job after a lot of initial resistance. He clings to his dream until he absolutely can’t and accepts what the Universe offers him, and to his surprise, finds the job professionally satisfying.

And then one fine day, in season 6, in the middle of his comfortable Professor life, he gets the chance to fulfil his dream - Barney gives him the offer of designing the new GNB headquarters. Ted starts making the same mistake as he made with the teaching job– claiming that his ‘new plan’ was to just continue with his new teaching job which suited him just fine. His revised plan had no space for his true need. He again clings to his plan until he cannot let go of his unfinished dream and finally goes for Barney’s offer and designs his building.

I do find it narratively satisfying that Ted is forced, although in a hurtful way, to drop all his plans and go with what the Universe is offering him even when it doesn’t make sense to him. And just when he gets comfortable with the new plan, an opportunity to live his dream comes along, and he must actively decide to go for it.

Sometimes you go with a plan and if you are lucky, you see it all the way through.

And then sometimes, you are forced to pivot and fulfill another version of your plan (which can be just as satisfying). But then, you might get the chance to go for your dream - you have to trust yourself and catch that opportunity when it lands.

There is no way to know for sure what destiny has written for you, you can only take the chances you get.